One of the most painful things I hear from clients with ADHD isn’t about distraction, forgetfulness, or productivity. It’s this: “I just don’t trust myself.”
As an ADHD and confidence coach, I work with adults who are intelligent, creative, and deeply capable yet carry a persistent sense of self-doubt. Many have spent years blaming themselves for things they now know are linked to how their brain works. By the time they come to coaching, their confidence has often taken a real hit.
If you have ADHD and struggle with self-belief, I want you to know this straight away: your confidence difficulties make sense.
ADHD Isn’t the problem the experience around is
ADHD affects attention, focus, emotional regulation, motivation, and executive functioning. But in my experience, the biggest damage to confidence doesn’t come from ADHD itself it comes from how people are treated because of it.
Many adults with ADHD grew up hearing:
- “You’re so capable why don’t you just apply yourself?”
- “You’re lazy/careless/disorganised.”
- “If you just tried harder, you’d be fine.”
Over time, these messages become internalised. Even when you know, logically, that ADHD plays a role, emotionally you may still feel like you’re failing.
Confidence slowly erodes when effort doesn’t lead to consistent results and when that inconsistency is misunderstood.
The Confidence Cost of Inconsistency
One of the hardest things for adults with ADHD is inconsistency.
Some days you’re focused, productive, and clear-headed. Other days, even simple tasks feel overwhelming. This can lead to a deep sense of unreliability.
Clients often say things like:
- “I don’t trust myself to follow through.”
- “I never know which version of me I’ll get.”
- “I’m scared to commit in case I mess it up.”
When you can’t rely on consistency, confidence takes a hit. You may start avoiding opportunities, downplaying your ambitions, or staying small not because you lack ability, but because you don’t feel safe relying on yourself.
Late Diagnosis and the Identity Shift That Follows
Many of the adults I work with are diagnosed with ADHD later in life often in their 30s, 40s, or beyond.
Diagnosis can bring huge relief. Suddenly, your life makes sense. But it can also open the door to grief.
People often say:
- “I thought I was just bad at life.”
- “So much could have been different.”
- “I spent years blaming myself.”
There’s often anger, sadness, and confusion alongside relief. Confidence doesn’t magically return with a diagnosis. In fact, it can feel shakier at first as you re-evaluate your past through a new lens.
In coaching, we make space for that. Healing doesn’t happen by rushing into positivity.
Why Traditional Confidence Advice Often Fails ADHD Brains
Many confidence strategies assume consistency, discipline, and linear progress. ADHD brains don’t work that way.
Advice like:
- “Just build better routines”
- “Be more disciplined”
- “Push through resistance”
Often increases shame when it doesn’t work.
In my work, I see that ADHD brains respond far better to:
- Compassion rather than pressure
- Flexible systems instead of rigid routines
- Understanding emotional regulation alongside practical tools
Confidence grows when you stop fighting your brain and start working with it.
How ADHD Impacts Self-Worth
Many adults with ADHD tie their self-worth to productivity. When they’re productive, they feel confident. When they’re not, confidence disappears.
This creates a painful cycle:
You try harder → burn out → feel ashamed → lose confidence → start again.
One of the most important shifts in ADHD-informed confidence coaching is separating who you are from what you manage to get done.
You are not your focus level.
You are not your consistency.
And you are not your worst days.
Reframing ADHD Strengths (Without Toxic Positivity)
I’m careful not to romanticise ADHD it can be genuinely hard. But it also comes with strengths that are often overlooked or undervalued.
Many adults with ADHD are:
- Creative and original thinkers
- Deeply empathetic and emotionally intuitive
- Excellent problem-solvers
- Passion-driven and values-led
Confidence doesn’t come from pretending ADHD isn’t difficult. It comes from understanding the full picture challenges and strengths without judgement.
What ADHD-Informed Confidence Coaching Looks Like
ADHD-informed coaching isn’t about fixing you or turning you into someone more “normal.”
In my coaching work, we focus on:
- Rebuilding self-trust after years of self-doubt
- Understanding emotional triggers and rejection sensitivity
- Learning how to pause instead of acting on impulse
- Creating flexible strategies that adapt to energy levels
- Practising confidence in everyday, real-life situations
